On second thought

On second thought…

   Maybe a formal introduction is needed so you can get a feel of where I’ve been, where I’m coming from and most importantly where I’m headed.  I’ve always been competitive and fairly athletic, just never the best player on the team, but could do more to help than hurt.  I played sports all through school (football, baseball, basketball, track and riding bulls) dropping them one by one until I ended up with only football and rodeos left going into my senior year of high school which I then dropped football in favor of the rodeo scene and riding bulls which made me a state champion and rookie of the year in 1986 as well as one of the most consistent money winners of the time, but injuries kept me from every returning to the top where I wanted/needed to be.  Now during all this I had several issues being a rebellious teenager and knowing everything I finally had my feel of what I thought had to be hypocrites because I knew that they laid out every Friday and Saturday night at the VFW and rolled into Church Sunday mornings with hangovers.  Then there came the issue with my Grandfather and the church he literally built with his own two hands and at a tender young age of around 13 or 14 I turned my back on the church and God and walked away.  This was followed by years of a roller coaster ride of depression and anxiety which as in most cases involved massive amounts of alcohol drinking...my wife’s love and support was literally the only thing (I’ve since learned God didn’t turn his back on me) keeping me alive.  Jump to 2014 where I’ve fell to the bottom of the hole again I fighting the all the mental stuff and feeling overall just terrible and my doctor made it worse with a “if you don’t do something different you’re going to die before your next birthday” blood work had determined my cholesterol was to high to calculate...I was 5’9” and weighed in at 237 pounds. I started walking with my wife and sister in law and with my competitive spirit it led to running and then racing thinking a 5k here and there would be great...well, I ran my first marathon in October of 2016 when I thought I was going to die about mile 20 I swore if I finished I would never run another one.  In February of 2020 I completed my 30th marathon or longer race.  Injuries again derailed my 2017, 20187 & 2019 speed wise because 50 year old just don’t bounce back from hamstring issues so I started doing some yoga to help and that is where my life took a turn for the best possible thing to happen to a person.  

This deserves another paragraph…

   The yoga instructor is (still going to classes) a very nice and wonderful christian lady that starts and/or finishes class by reading scripture...as well as just spreading the gospel.  We were just clicking right along and life yanked the rug out from under me and I hit a low that I couldn’t have imagined even existed...I barely cared anymore.  I was at a point in my life where I was no longer living. I was just going through the motions and forcing myself to participate in life.  She started asking me questions like did I have any favorite bible verses.  The only one I could remember was my grandmother's favorite that she shared with me during my rodeo days...Psalm 23.  She read it at the next class and I felt my hard exterior shell, my wall, my boundary that kept people at a distance...crack.  A few weeks later she had a song on her playlist for class that I had never heard and the words just came to me like I had written the song myself.  It was that night my personal “walls of Jericho” fell...I wept...I cried real tears in that dimly lit classroom.  The last night of class before the Covid-19 shut everything down we’re about half way through class and we were doing our warrior series stretches and it happened…A tap on the shoulder followed by “Follow me” a quick whirl of the head revealed no one was there, at least no one of flesh and blood.  A warm chill (yes I said warm) came over me and again I cried. I haven’t looked back since, I started watching a FB live service where the pastor is a long time friend from my rodeo days and when we could I was at the first open door service in their new building.  On June 7th, 2020 I went to the altar and confessed my sins before the Lord and asked for forgiveness.  I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest and can begin a new life as a born again man that is willing and wanting to serve the Lord.